High-maintenance Imaginary Girlfriend


My Nemesis
March 14, 2009, 10:54 pm
Filed under: diary

Perhaps you’re wondering what’s up with this “Estoye” character harassing my comments section? Gah. To think we used to be friends. That is until the day he asked out the girl he KNEW i was crazy about. I’d only spent a whole six months planning out the perfect approach, which he doesn’t even bother using. Get his drunk pick-up line:

“Hey, I noticed you like awesomeness. I’ve got way too much. We should haggle.”

That worked?? Really? They’re married now, so whatever. I’m over it. It was years ago. And I met Karen right after that, so who’s awesome now? Feast, Estoye:

Here's to us.

Here's to us.

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6 Comments so far
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I just wanted to say what a nice picture of you and Karen toasting. But I was kind of curious about the location and its significance to your relationship. Was the emptiness more a metaphor for your soul or her complete lack of interest in you. Frankly, I am struck by the latent homo-eroticism of it all, or is it just the sociopathic narcissism you so overwhelmingly project. Really, Karen deserves better. Shame on you and your arrogance, to think you deserve someone as fantastic as her.

Comment by Gareth

Gareth,

Are you one of Karen’s exes? That would explain a lot. You can wish Karen out of my pictures all you want, but it’s not going to change the cold, hard fact that she’s with me now. Not you. And I know it stings, but no, yours is not one of the names she’s cried out in bed with me by mistake. “Gareth”. I’d totally remember that.

Comment by writerjoel

Harumph! To think that Karen would even consider the existence of me, a mere mortal. Your attempt at an insult results in high praise. Only further proof that your chance intersection with the Divine is only so contemptuously lost on the droll likes of you. If I had only the means to inform Karen of your complete and utter insignificance to the greater conceit of her being, I might save her from having to sully her presence. Nothing is more revealing than your mistaken belief that the desperate moans of self-loathing and despair that you call intercourse is her journey to the pinnicle of erotic unity of being. But at least let me stand corrected in that your arrogance is not your most salient feature, but it is your self-delusion. Which only proves that if you loved Karen, you would recognize her interest in you as nothing more than pity, and you would free her from her prison of compassion for those less fortunate than her, by killing yourself.

Comment by Gareth

I’m self-deluded? Look in the mirror. I feel bad for you. Now you’ve put this evidence of your delusion on the internet for everyone to see. Also, your prose reminds me of refrigerator magnet poetry.

Comment by writerjoel

Estoye is gay

Comment by David

David,

I only wish Estoye was gay. Then he never would have stolen my girl from me and destroyed my life–almost, that is. Actually, I should thank Estoye, because without him I’d never have met Karen. Actually… No, I can’t allow that kind of negativity.

Look what you made me do, David! You got me all inside my head. I’m just glad Karen’s not in here. It’s a heart of darkness, sometimes.

Thanks for reading! ; )

Comment by writerjoel




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